I Used to Think Being Invisible Was A Curse…

But after coming to terms with my pellucidity, I realized I had gained a unique perspective on transportation – one that could save lives. So I’m here to help, because I’m just that kind of guy. Here it is, free of charge, my top three list for getting around town and back home in one piece:

1. Know That You Are Invisible – Didn’t see that coming did you? OK, perhaps you’re not quite as visually challenged as me but you seriously overestimate your conspicuousness. Have you ever heard the expression “The clothes make the man?” I swear sometimes I literally have to put on flashing lights and reflective clothing to get some people’s attention. Even so, I never assume you see me.  Why?

2. Most People Are Idiots – Yep I’m talking to you, seriously, look up from your phone for a second and pay attention. You may be a 4.0 student or successful business person and all but you are still susceptible to Electronically Induced Temporal Cognitive Dysfunction (EITCD). It is an addictive compulsive behavior disorder that affects young and old alike. The result is that you literally cannot see or think straight at times. And that dude, is a serious problem because…

3. Invisible People Are Everywhere – I have become convinced that I am not alone in my situation. Even though my senses have become dulled by the size and sound of cars, I find with a little practice I find I can detect other invisible people out of the corner of my eye. It’s actually pretty simple once you know where to look: at the edges of crosswalks, alongside roads with no sidewalks and even in the road itself! I often spot them when I am making a turn. It takes a little extra vigilance, especially at night and in bad weather, but I know that they are out there and I find that comforting.

And that is all you need to know. If you really want to distill things further, it actually boils down to just one overriding rule. Don’t be an asshole! Sorry – adult language, should have given a trigger warning and asked you to make sure the kids were safely in another room. But really that’s the key.